Pan's Charm
by hedroppedthespoon
Summary: Like a poison she drifted through my body, reaching my uttermost being, ravaging it, ruining it, taking every part of it, taking me. Those flowery lips that cursed herself whilst loving me. That thorny nose that turned up at me when angry, down when sad and wrinkled when displeased; oh, how I loved her. I memorized her every feature.
1. Prologue

_Like a poison she drifted through my body, reaching my uttermost being, ravaging it, ruining it, taking every part of it, taking me. Those flowery lips that cursed herself whilst loving me. That thorny nose that turned up at me when angry, down when sad and wrinkled when displeased; oh, how I loved her. I memorized her every feature._

* * *

The summer light drifted across the solemn chapel as Lucrezia Borgia repeated her prayers over and over, "Remember, O most gracious Virgin Mary, that never was it known that any one who fled to thy protection, implored thy help or sought thy intercession, was left unaided. Inspired by this confidence, I fly unto thee, O Virgin of virgins my Mother; to thee do I come, before thee I stand, sinful and sorrowful; O Mother of the Word Incarnate, despise not my petitions, but in thy mercy hear and answer me, Amen."

The pitiful girl said this every night and morning of every day, never ceasing to beg of the gracious Virgin Mother a cure for her passions. Her chest was tight with emotion, always in a constant state of panic. It only stilled when asleep and slowed only with the arrival of that dear boy that haunted her dreams almost as frequently as the man of her passions.

And it frightened her.

Lucrezia had only ever known that deep pain of longing which renders one useless to another of the opposite sex. Her hearts' flower was ripe and ready to bud, yet would not open to her husband nor yield to that awful suitor that threatened her daily.

No, Lucrezia was a creature of yearning. She would be satisfied with no less than the arms of a lover or the dark twist of her brothers' lips.


	2. Chapter 1 First Sight

In accordance with the infamous Giulia Farnese's orders Pantasilea traveled to San Sisto to greet the Pope's daughter, fully intending to use the child in whichever way pleased her mistress.

However, when she arrived she was shocked to find not a child but a woman. In front of her stood a girl who could not yet have reached a mind of maturity and yet the depth of her shifting hazel to green eyes, the way she held her body painfully tight refusing to lower her chin while staring ahead with the far-off manner of practiced nobility; this girl was a woman.

Pantasilea could not help but hide behind the trunk of an old tree, taking in this shocking sight.

 _"Is this truly her?"_ the maiden asked of herself. It could not be. For all her preparation Donna Giulia had not mentioned that that great charm, so famously attached to the young Lucrezia, not only maddened men but could also enflame women.

 _"No, of course not! What foolishness is this?"_ Pantasilea shook her head and stepped from behind the tree, arranging her features into a most pleasing manner as befitted that of a lady's maid.

 _"I will gain her trust and I will use that trust. I do all this for Donna Giulia."_


	3. Chapter 2 Placed In Her Care

"This is the Lady Pantasilea. She will oversee all of your needs here. Please be comforted by her presence," the mother of the convent placed Lucrezia's hand in the young woman's, pressing it with a warm comfort exuding the love of those held in the bosom of Jesus Christ.

"I am at your service most gracious Donna," Pantasilea lowered her head in solemn respect, taking care not to release the soft hand that electrified her own.

Lucrezia paused to take in the features of the beautiful stranger.

Her hair was like that of the night-sky, shimmering in the light and yet hidden mostly save a few curls. Her nose slopped sharply down, retaining that Roman appeal enjoyed by some and envied by others. But foremost of all, were the set of her eyes against her skin. Even though most girls paired with earthen eyes and translucent skin would pale in comparison with a girl of a lighter color of sight, Pantasilea's eyes held a depth not found in others. This drew the helpless girl in, causing her to stare for longer than was polite.

"Oh! I am truly sorry!" she flushed with the color of a dark rose, stuttering to apologize. "I did not mean to stare so."

Pantasilea's lips parted into a gentle smile, "That is quite alright Donna Lucrezia."

"Thank you," she blushed further.

Releasing her hand, Lucrezia turned to thank the kind mother once more but found her gone and thus returned her gaze to the young maid.

"Would you take a drink with me? I have only a little for I am trying to become worthy of my soul, but I would like to welcome you as best I can."

"I would like that very much my Lady," Pantasilea returned with that selfsame smile.

Assured of her consent, Lucrezia strode lightly out of the chapel and towards her living quarters. The maiden followed behind silently, keeping pace with as light a step as that of her new Lady.

 _"Perhaps she is soft spoken?"_ wondered Lucrezia with joy, for she longed to find a kindred soul that might share in her pain without adding to it.

Reaching the shed that made up her living quarters, Lucrezia opened the door for her and waited as she entered. This would be the only time she would ever open the door for Pantasilea. All other times it would be the maiden's duty and privilege.

"I welcome you into my home, into my life and into my heart."


	4. Chapter 3 Reflections

That night Pantasilea retired to her abode in the convent more exhausted than she had been in all her days at court.

Lucrezia had shown her the whole of the convent, taking her from one place to another without hardly a moments' rest in between. The girl had been so eager to gain her favor that she had forgotten her natural station. Instead of acting the part of a dignified lady she had let her guard down and treated Pantasilea as if a long-cherished friend she had parted from for the summer and rejoined once again.

It was rather unsettling.

Pantasilea had not expected such naivety from a Borgia. The beautiful maiden had seemed so complex upon arrival and yet, within the right setting her young nature shone through like the sun that bursts through the clouds, heedless of anything around it.

Pantasilea shook her head.

No, this was not the time to be getting cold feet. Donna Giulia had sent her here for a purpose.

Taking paper and pen in hand, she blotted the ink and began to write her annual report:

 _"Dearest Donna Giulia,_

 _I write to inform you of my safe arrival at the Convent which Lady Lucrezia is staying at currently. I am well placed here. The nuns have already prepared rooms for me, taking care that I face the abode of the Donna in case I should ever be needed at the strangest of hours and should not miss her summons._

 _The Lady has already opened her heart to me. Does this please you?_

 _She is more trusting than I thought she would be. Owing to her lineage I expected more of a challenge but I find her withal lacking of experience in the finer arts of politics. To think that a Borgia could smile so truly!_

 _I hope and pray that you, my precious Donna are healthy and overall joyous. I especially pray that the son in your womb will grow strong and that you shall bear the most magnificent child that shall ever bless the Farnese family._

 _I shall write as often as you bid me as well as when something of an appropriate importance occurs._

 _I thank you for your continued support. I owe you every fiber of my being, having pledged my life to your cause._

 _With all my love,_

 _Pantasilea"_


	5. Chapter 4 A Morning's Strangeness

Lucrezia awoke to the gentle brushing of the summer breeze, pleasantly surprised to find a water bowl on her little table filled and prepared for washing. An embroidered hand towel fluttered in the breeze beside it. The embroidery formed beautiful words: " _For my most precious Donna; May your heart be merry and your visage bright._ "

Lucrezia smiled.

She had had many servants, male and female alike. None had impressed her so thoroughly on the first day as had the Lady Pantasilea.

It was promising.

"Donna Lucrezia, I am coming in," warned the gentlewoman.

Pantasilea opened the door slowly, giving Lucrezia time to throw on a silk overcoat. She was beaming from head to toe in a joyous glow.

"Thank you ever so much!" Lucrezia exclaimed.

Pantasilea bowed her head in response.

The smile disappeared from Lucrezia's face.

"Are you well?" the young woman implored.

"Of course, my Lady."

"Why do you not smile?"

"Smile?" questioned Pantasilea.

"Smile!" Lucrezia emphasized her words by catching Pantasilea's cheeks in her hands and stretching them into a smile.

"See?" laughed the girl.

"I see!" laughed Pantasilea along with her. Her cheeks were tinged with that rosy color so common to the sharing of a joyous moment.

"You must know though my Lady, I did not come just to laugh," the maiden tried to smother her golden peal of laughter with her hand.

"Oh, but it's so much fun!" trilled the girl.

Pantasilea laughed, "I know. I know. It's just that there are things to be done."

"Things such as...?"

"Perhaps eating to start with?" the maid waggled her brows playfully, if indeed a Lady did "waggle" her brows.

"Oh, I completely forgot!" Lucrezia's eyes went wide. Then she frowned, "But I'm not eating."

Pantasilea shook her head. How could this girl be so foolish?

"His holiness the Pope has ordered that you quit your fast and work hard to maintain a healthy diet," she explained slowly.

She expected Lucrezia to argue in that childish manner so constant to her features, but the slight mention of his Holiness murdered all traces of youth from her delicate face.

"As his Holiness' wishes," Lucrezia inclined her head.

Suddenly the young girl disappeared and the woman replaced her.

"Please bring me some bread and a platter of cheese," the Donna whispered.

Shocked into silence, Pantasilea could only bow and back out of the shed taking care to shut the door behind her quietly.

She made for the kitchen in a daze.

Was not Lucrezia the Pope's most beloved daughter as well as the object of his hidden passions? Did he not treat her foremost among his children, even rivaling the love he had shown her brother, Don Juan? Why did she act so?

Pantasilea could find no answer.


	6. Chapter 5 Il Perotto

The next day Pantasilea was careful to make no mention of Lucrezia's father nor his instructions. She merely carried out her duties in simple fashion and attended to her Donna as she saw fit.

She watched as Lucrezia went through the day in silence, only daring to speak during her daily prayers to the virgin Mary. Her eyes were red and bloodshot as if she had been crying. She looked mortally wounded.

Pantasilea felt a pang in her chest.

 _"What is this?"_ the maid mused. _"Don't tell me I feel sympathetic for this girl?"_

Pantasilea shook it off and went back to work, beating Lucrezia's under-skirt against a rock.

The sun beat down against her mercilessly, causing her to push up her sleeves.

After a quick glance around to make sure no one was looking from on far she picked up her skirt and tied it up so that she could move free of the burden of her heavy skirts.

Pantasilea sighed with relief.

It was such a nice thing to be able to relax so thoroughly. Court was nothing like this. While surrounded by other Ladies and Dons, Pantasilea had to act perfectly making sure to enrapture them with her simplicity as well as with her feminine charms.

However, here underneath the sun where she did something as simple as washing her Donna's garments all she had to be was herself. Pantasilea, a maiden who was neither extremely charming nor simple. She could focus. She could be thoughtful. She didn't have to fake a lack of mindfulness while inadvertently scheming the demise of another.

"Ahhhh!" a shriek sounded from the shed interrupting Pantasilea's daydreams.

"Donna!"

She ran as fast her slim legs would take her, abandoning the laundry with hardly a thought. Her lungs stung as her breath came in hard gasps and she tripped on little rocks, flinging herself forward so that she could continue instead of falling.

She reached the shed and threw open the door with such force that it slammed against the wall.

"Lucrezia, are you alright?!" she gasped.

From the corner of the room Lucrezia whimpered, her mouth covered by a large white palm.

Pantasilea froze.

There was a man hovering over her mistress. No, not hovering. The man was straddling the deer-like child who trembled in absolute fear. She was trapped by an ogre, unable to find her way out of his arms, his hands, his legs.

"Get away from Donna Lucrezia!" Pantasilea's voice rose angrily. There was no question in her mind that it did not matter who this man was. It could be Lucrezia's husband for all that she cared. No one was allowed to treat her Donna in such a manner that she was degraded to the status of an animal.

"I said, get away from her!" she shouted.

The man stood up and smiled at the maid cheekily.

"I was only sharing a moment with the Lady," he waved his hands as if he was not at fault and had not committed an unforgivable act.

"A moment that will not be tolerated," Pantasilea snapped.

The color rose to her cheeks as the blood thundered in her ears the more furious she became. She wanted to slap this man, hit him, do _something_.

But all she could do was wait for further explanation.

"Ah, but it will. You see, I am courting the wonderful Donna. Her father sent me as a go between for the Lady Lucrezia and the Holy See. I am ensuring that her divorce as well as her next marriage goes accordingly," the villain grinned. "I am called Il Perotto by the way."

With that the wretched man took his leave, making sure to bump the maid with his shoulder on the way out.

Pantasilea stood in the door as if dumb, unable to move or even think past what had happened.

Lucrezia continued to whimper but slowly became softer as time went by.

Snapping to the present Pantasilea rushed to her lady, taking those cold hands in her own. She squeezed them tightly while looking at the poor girl, taking in her ruined nightgown and messy hair.

That _Il Perotto_ had done a terrible thing. Bruises blazed across Lucrezia's body, appearing on her neck as well as her wrists and places where no one should have ever touched her so violently.

"Donna," Pantasilea choked on her name.

This was too terrible. No matter what this girl was to her, even the most common maid should not be treated so. Even more so for a princess of the Holy Roman Church.

"Donna," she started again gaining more control of her voice, "Please stand up. We must go to the river and bath you. You cannot stay in these ruined garments."

Lucrezia nodded and slowly stood up. Her arms hung lifelessly against her side. Her eyes stared at the door, closed off from the rest of the world.

Pantasilea took her hand and guided her to the river, stripping her gently before setting new garments on top of the cool rocks.

"Please leave me," Lucrezia whispered. She did not even turn to see if the maid did as she asked. She just assumed that her orders were carried out.

Pantasilea bit her lip, "As you wish."

With tears in her eyes, the maid left her charge with a strange reluctance she had never known before.


	7. Chapter 6 Giulia Replies

_"Dearest Donna Giulia,_

 _I am deeply sorrowful to report that the Lady Lucrezia was attacked today by a suitor._

 _He claimed a position as the emissary of the Pope, going by the name of Il Perotto._

 _Is this man a true suitor or is he extorting the young Donna? He seems too coarse to be in any such position. However, I dared not question him further lest he intended to use his full force upon the Lady._

 _Please forgive me for showing such an empathetic expression, but Lady Lucrezia is extremely pitiful._

 _With all my love,_

 _Pantasilea"_

Donna Giulia replied swiftly to her message:

 _"Pantasilea,_

 _Do NOT forget why I sent you._

 _That girl is a thorn in my side. She pretends innocence while claiming the Popes' attentions and Cesares' behind pillars and in hidden corridors. Do not be fooled. She is merely the Vatican's whore. She has no value._

 _As for Il Perotto, he is not truly a suitor. His Holiness did send him. However, that man is merely a pawn. Whatever he may think he will never gain Lucrezia's hand in marriage. She is already destined to marry Alfonso D'Aragon and nothing will persuade her father to marry her to another._

 _I forgive you dear Pantasilea. Carry out my will and come home to me quickly._

 _Giulia"_

Pantasilea set the letter down and rested her head against her pillow, sighing deeply.

Donna Giulia was extremely angry with her, forgiveness being an object that she did not give lightly nor truly give in this case. For the Donna to tell her to come home quickly...she must have been furious. It wasn't like her to be so kind to Pantasilea. She was more demanding.

And then there was Lady Lucrezia.

Pantasilea had seen her sent to bed as comfortably as possible. However, there was little doubt in her mind that the Donna would not sleep well that night. Who could in such a case as this?


End file.
